meh

I have moved its ok the honeymoon is over. Classes start Monday. I am year 2
I am clueless. I will most likely be the outcast as everyone will know each other. I don't fit in well (what a surprise). I know this is stupid but it annoy the hell out of me. Everyone look at this one friend i made from welcome week and say she is so pretty and she is but its like i don't exist. I didn't know I was that fucking distaste full.
I give up the next 3 year will be spend in solitude. Its fucking lonely and they dont heat this fucking place its so cold
oh well i guess nothing really does change even when you move half way around the world its all shit

I leave today

I am leaving today or late this evening
I am scared and excited
I was a nervous wreck earlier and I got sick aka lost my dinner due to stress
I broke down a bit on MD didn't mean to I am going to miss him a lot
He gave me a card that i am not aloud to open till the UK its driving me nuts.
Sigh I am worried that he wont try and go out much i want him to meet people
hes such a sweetheart and some times i think his shyness or quietness hinder people from seeing that. I know I will be back in dec but I worry a lot. To add I want to make sure I get his birthday gift to him as well. People better remember. sigh so i am leaving in 19 or so hours. The years has come and gone it feels like it went to fast. I feel so lost.
I know I can adapt but now I have more to miss. I don't really have any one to talk about this with. I miss jeff and when i left FL i got a bit upset but i had a week to adapt to that. A week to see him move in and to curl up next too before i when home so i know he is ok. But know its just get up and leave. I go from see and hanging out with MD to being 5 hours or in a different time zone and no where near him. I hope its not to much shock on both sides. I feel so lonely even tho i have these people to talk to. I just have to hope everything goes well. so I guess this is see ya till I am in Coventry and able to use the internet. Wish me luck i need it. granted no one reads this.... end of idle ramble

Stress

6 day I leave the country. I am in a Stress mess. SO much to finish packing. I feel so lost. I know this is where i want to go the program looks great but i feel like i am leaving things undone here. I worry what will happen when I am there and not here. What will i come back too? I miss my good friend's dearly. i have never had a really close friend one that well doesn't walk on you use you expect things from you. I never was fond of my home town its boring as sin and everyone I was friends with is gone or doesn't speak to me cause i am well not good enough for them, but in the least expected person I found an amazing friend. Why the hell could we have spent more time earlier on. I think that is only thing that ties me here i never had that before is so odd. I worry about it. I miss jeff and he has being gone for a while but this idea of losing a friends worry me more i don't know why. maybe cause is fresher i can still talk to them face to face right now and with jeff i am use to the internet and such now its still lonely as hell and I miss get a hug and such. 6 days and i am completely alone i know i will meet people but i miss what i have now. It back to deadlines and projects and essay. A year away has some what dulled the college working end of me i think i lost brain cells. I still hope they take credits cause i don't want to have to take some pointless classes over. so more packing to do i just had to clear my mind. I know something is eating at MD(friend easier to type name is to dame common and would get confusing)he wont tell me tho. He deal with all my panic stess and such and he still is lacks to tell me it worries me. He's very self less it worries to many people have walked over him and i hate them for it. But its just a ramble to think.

time is ticking
by and by
its eating away what i have left
its taking me to some where else
it ticks by
it speeds in high gear
i dont know where its leaving me
i am panicing
I am at a loss
time is gone
i need to act
to do
time is ticking
by and by
for both you and i
where are you going
where will I be
will i become what i want to be
will time be kind
can it slow down for a little
i cant deal its so fast
i feel like am losing it all
time is eating at me
and then then i am gone