num

Still job hunting applied to about 20 diffrent jobs. I have heared nothing back. I guess the doom of living at home will be true soon. I could spare myself the trouble be selfish and just die but I have learned I pretty much suck at that. I am sure everone from my home town will enjoy a laugh on their part. I am sure i am just a joke as I was in high school. I also can't understand why I can't come to grip to well with never being talk to again. First your friend blocks you cause your a pest and emoshinly draining. I guess i should have never dated to start with. But when they move on without me I guess I am left wondering did they ever love me. Not once was i told that; so what was I. They talk on and on about there new love or what ever sweet heart name they want to use and all your left wondering is was i ever even close to that. I am glad their happy but it your happy way cant you even say hi to me as a friend. I dont understand people. I dont think I ever will but I dont understand why it still bugs me almost a year of none to no converstion or see them and I cant understand. I guess i was just what I thought I am nag a plag something that is not wanted. Why cant I let it go let ever other person does. I cant just be happy that school is over or I have people at college that seem to care. This is just a ramble to collet my own thoughts cause no one reads this or even thinks about what I feel. That is what is left for me. A job that I dislike because I will never get into the job I want to because of drawing skills, stuck at a home that is more like a cage for other to laugh at my sad attemp at life, and the naging feeling that i am not good enough for anything from jobs to schools to everother dame thing. I feel like the tin man without a heart. num and tired and sick of running. I have aged more my time in 3 years then a lifetime can do for some.