Monday, December 26, 2005

To disappear

Hoildays wow evertime i write about hoildays is bad here. Well xmas is fine family is fine i guess. But friends well I have come to the conclution I dont have any. My friend back in high school that said we would be able to stay together forever well it was a lie. I guess i am not good enought for them. I have tired to stay in touch i when the exta bit before but it did nothing. People cant see past what they dont want to see. To them i am nothing something that is trash i guess. Its more painful to know that i mean that now and to think was it the same why and I just didnt see it. I have 2 friends in college that is about it. One is dating me the other i never see. All i do is school work and never hang out but that is what everone wants grades. I enjoy what i do but people i guess arent for me. But deep down It hurts to know that your nothing to people that you thought cared. To be excluded and cast out for not dating the same person any more but they dont cast them out for lieing about there emoshins for sticking it in a bottle and tell you they can live with out just fine. Then to have then say they cant even to your friend cause it hurts to much. But no i was the only one to make mistakes. Why cant people see you as you are and are become not as what you have done and dislike. It is hard to envison me feeling pain as well. Or am I a witch and can not. I am sure witchs feel just as much pain if not more. When people dislike you can maybe hate you with out know it all. This is so a rant but no one really read its so it more for my own health. So for the new year I am going todisappear all my old name gone and people that dont talk to me. I am going to try and step away from all the pain from the past and walk on to a future. I mite not have any one to walk with but at least I can walkon and do something. Cause I cant let the pain eat any more cause it hurts to much and i cant bare to take any longer. I am going to step away to make a new. Indepent and as brave as I can be I. Trying not to look back being better then what they think i am any maybe some day they will wonder what became of me and they wont be able to look me up because i will have disappear and became something better and diffrent from what they think I am.
Midnight Owl
aka The BrokenDownDame

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